


A Matter of Diplomacy

by EveryOtherUsernameWasTaken6604



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Blood Elf Bebe, Blood Magic, Diplomacy, Elf Kyle Broflovski, F/M, Fights, Flowers, Hurt/Comfort, Jimmy Valmer the Bard, Letters, Light Angst, Nature, Nature Magic, Negotiations, Princess Kenny McCormick, Princess Kenny is an elitist, Ranger Stan Marshwalker, Secret Crush, Singing, South Park: The Stick of Truth, Stan and Jimmy are too good for this world, but we love her anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-04-03 16:57:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21480352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EveryOtherUsernameWasTaken6604/pseuds/EveryOtherUsernameWasTaken6604
Summary: After the war, Princess Kenny has devoted herself entirely to brokering for peace—it's said that she doesn't even sleep on some nights. Her most recent diplomatic mission to the Elven kingdom reportedly went quite well, but her letters to the King may reveal otherwise.
Relationships: Stan Marsh/Kenny McCormick
Comments: 1
Kudos: 46
Collections: Tales of Zaron - A South Park Zine





	A Matter of Diplomacy

**Author's Note:**

> This is my fic for the Tales of Zaron zine! Please consider buying the zine, as it's for a good cause- all the profits go to the Trevor Project, a charity that works on LGBTQ+ suicide prevention efforts. And, of course, I hope you enjoy the fic: "A Matter of Diplomacy".

Kupa Keep, the capital city of the Kingdom of Humans. As the woman gazed out at the surrounding countryscape, she felt a certain contentment. It was good to be home; her trip had been pleasant, but she enjoyed the familiar city and its people. Though they could be a tad overzealous; upon seeing her, they were often wont to loudly cry out—

“Princess Kenny!” 

The cry had come from a young man in the crowd of people surrounding the front gate, which was beginning to swing open. A horse-drawn carriage entered through the large gate, and the crowd moved aside, still cheering uproariously. 

The carriage stopped, its door slowly opened, and a white and gold high-heeled shoe emerged from it. A beautiful woman stepped out, accompanied by the soft sound of her skirt rustling and brushing against the ground.

“PRINCESS KENNY!” the crowd screamed.

One girl squealed in excitement, a few people fainted, and a large number of people rushed towards her. They held various items out: magic crystals that recorded sound or video, or flowers, or some trinket that they wished her to bless with her magic. 

Several of the reporters swarmed the princess and barraged her with questions.

“Princess Kenny, how did the negotiations go?”

“Princess Kenny, was there any trouble with the elves?”

“Princess Kenny, is there any truth to the rumors that you betr—”

Princess Kenny held up her gloved hand, and the people stopped moving.

“Please,” she said in her high-pitched, refined voice, “calm yourselves, good people. The negotiations went excellently, and I suffered no mistreatment at the hands of the elves. I shall have time to answer all your questions and requests later, but for now, I must complete my report to the king.”

With that, she elegantly glided down the path towards, and then through, the gray, foreboding castle at the far edge of the city. It was called a castle, but was more like a fortress, she thought: stark, bare, and with little decoration, besides banners emblazoned with the emblem of Kupa Keep. The only exception was her chamber.

  
She swung open the gold-framed door and entered her room; it was painted in pale pink and white, and large windows with a view of the flower garden below. She was proud of that garden; she had ordered it to be grown some time ago, to make up for the general lack of natural beauty in the castle, and often assisted in its maintenance. There was a large four-poster bed on the far end of the room, with velvet curtains the deep color of red wine. On her right side stood a desk made of a light brown varnished wood; on the right of the desk, there was a small glass cabinet filled with vials of different-colored ink, different quill pens attached to the wall in a line, and small cubbies with rolled-up scrolls of parchment, all very well-organized.

Kenny sat at her desk, opened the cabinet door with a flourish, and pulled out a scroll, a white quill, and a vial of black ink. She dipped in her pen, took a moment to gather her thoughts, and touched the pen to the paper.

_ Grand Wizard King Eric Cartman VI of Kupa Keep, _

_ I write to you now regarding my diplomatic visit to the Forest Kingdom of the Drow Elves. _

_ The visit began with our arrival at the borders of the forest. We were greeted by an elven attendant, a rather attractive blonde woman with a red glint in her eyes. I recognized her as Bebe, the blood elf who had revealed herself as my mother during the battle at the Dark Fortress… _

Kenny paused. Those recent events still haunted her, even after she was freed from the corrupting power of the Stick of Truth. She had taken the Stick from her former friend Clyde, driven mad by her desire for revenge. However, Bebe had told of how the kind-hearted shieldmaiden Wendy had awoken her from her hatred of humans, and showed her the power of the bonds that Men forged with others. Kenny’s friends had implored her to stop, and showed her their love for her and for each other; distracted, she had been pierced by a crystal arrow from Bebe, destroying the darkness of the Stick.

Her friends had said they forgave her, had welcomed her back with open arms...and yet…

Kenny looked down at her parchment to find the ink smudged with water, and felt a warmth trickling down her cheeks. She took out a silk handkerchief embroidered with her initials and wiped her eyes, then conjured up a miniature portal with a wave of her hand and slid the ruined parchment into it. She slid out another scroll, rolled it out with an elegant gesture, rewrote her few sentences, and continued:

_ Bebe led me, along with my guards and ladies-in-waiting, through winding and mysterious paths filled with all manner of magical flora and fauna. I was almost accosted by several of the thorny plants, but Bebe cut her finger with a small dagger, and the blood pacified them. Soon enough, we reached a large clearing full of people, and buildings formed of plants. A great tree stood in the center, with more buildings growing out of its branches, and dotted with people wearing clothes of brown and green: their castle. _

_ We were taken to it; its roots stretched across the entire clearing, and we were required to climb over the larger ones. We entered through a large hole in the trunk, and were then led to our quarters; as it was quite late at night, our delegation retired to bed at once. _

_ The next morning, we were awoken by a rather loud knock on our dark wood door. It was the king’s premier warrior and right-hand man, Stanley the ranger… _

Kenny placed her gloved hand to her chest and felt her heartbeat; it seemed faster than normal. 

How odd.

_ He informed us that the king was awaiting our arrival in the banquet hall, and promptly led us there through a complex maze of passageways. The table there was quite large, and seemed to be an entirely natural part of the tree. The Elven King sat on one end, with his attendants—Stanley and Jimmy the Bard—on either side of him, and I sat on the other end with my guards. During this time, I began to notice certain immodesties on the part of his attendants. They ate rather sloppily, never once using the correct utensil or even a napkin. I took note of this rude behavior, but said nothing. _

_  
_ _ After breakfast, the King and I made our way through another labyrinth of passages to the negotiation chamber. I recall the Bard joking that he did not need a magical song to induce anger when people were in that room—the negotiations led to enough strife on their own. This did not worry me terribly, however, as King Kyle has proven to be quite kind and respectful. Upon our arrival there, we took our seats at a circular table, where a treaty was soon placed. Reading over its terms, I found it to be somewhat lacking: there were the usual proclamations of peace and goodwill, but the actual policies were sparse. The King explained that they were unsure of how to go about negotiations, and did not wish to offend us by offering too little, especially in regards to finances. _

_ ‘This is all fine and well,’ I said, ‘but it seems more of a hindrance than anything. Now we must start with no guidance.’ _

_  
_ _ The ranger replied with, and I quote, ‘Look, Princess, we’re trying to do a nice thing here. Can’t you at least say thank you and help us figure this—’ followed by an expletive— ‘out?’ _

_  
_ _ Naturally, I took this as an insult and told them as such. I insisted that negotiations not resume until Stanley and Jimmy agreed to act polite, and even said I would teach them proper etiquette. The Elven King seemed a bit taken aback by this, but allowed me to do so, agreeing that it would not do to have me being offended at every turn by his closest attendants. _

_  
_ _ I led the rather reluctant ranger and Bard to my quarters (sensing that one of them was allowing their gaze to drift to a rather inappropriate place), and sat them on two chairs. I assumed the lesson would be relatively easy; however, this was not the case. Stanley seemed to be trying, but he simply could not grasp the concepts. Jimmy, meanwhile, seemed to be deliberately avoiding the topic—he even made several jokes that I shall not repeat here due to their shockingly lewd nature. _

_  
_Kenny found herself blushing again, though this time, it was brought about by anger as opposed to...well, she wasn’t quite sure what she had felt about Stan. She decided to take a brief break from writing—her thoughts were a little muddled, and her hand was beginning to cramp. She massaged her slightly aching wrist, took a few deep breaths, and smoothed out some of the wrinkles in her dress. Once she felt more at ease, she dipped her pen back into the ink and began writing again.

  
_ This was my breaking point. I stood up, screamed some rather harsh things at them, and stormed out in a rage. I am told that they then reported to the King and informed him of what had taken place, and he ordered them to find me and make things right at once. By the time they caught up to me, I had reached the flower garden (which is lovely, by the by—I would even say it is better than mine), sat on the ground, and began sobbing. _

_  
_ _ They approached me, and the Bard gently asked if I was all right. I wiped my tears off on my puffy sleeve, as I did not have my handkerchief, and replied that I was not entirely sure. Stanley then presented me with a bouquet of flowers he had picked along the way: beautiful blossoms of oranges, blues, yellows, and purples. I took them and started to feel a little better. _

_ Another blush! Come now, Kenny, you mustn’t be so overwhelmed _, she scolded herself.

_ They told me that they were deeply sorry for their behavior, and that they realized now the rudeness and callousness of what they had done. The Bard then said he had written a song in his head while they were searching for me and wished to perform it now. I simply nodded in response, and he began to play his lute. _

_ He sang of mistakes, of regret, and of forgiveness; the notes of his lute seemed to permeate the air and take on physical form, as if they were floating all around us, forming a sort of mist stained blue with sadness and remorse. His voice, a high and lilting tenor, flowed into my ears and mind; as the song progressed, Stanley appeared to memorize the lyrics and began singing along in a deeper baritone. Their voices melded together quite beautifully, and when they sang the final drawn-out note, I had become rather bewitched. Not by any sort of magic—I do not believe they would be so bold as to cast a spell on me—but by the beauty of their song, and the genuine emotion behind it. I could tell that they truly were sorry. _

_  
_ _ However, once I had gathered my thoughts again, I told them that they were not the ones at fault. _

_ ‘I greatly appreciate your gesture,’ I said, ‘but this whole debacle is my fault. It was foolish of me to expect you to follow, or to even know, every single rule of etiquette when there are so many. I have been too forceful and disrespected both of you, and I apologize.’_

_ I paused for a moment, and then explained that I had been greatly on edge due to the events at the Dark Fortress. I was so consumed and overwhelmed by my guilt that I was unsure of how to act at all, and my emotions had been utterly out of control. I almost felt that I would begin crying again, but Stanley placed his hand on my shoulder and looked down at me, with such genuine kindness filling his eyes (which are a lovely deep brown—I could stare into them forever) that all sadness seemed to flee my mind forthwith, driven out by his goodness. _

_ After this event, the Bard, the ranger, and I returned to the elven inner sanctum, where we resumed our negotiations. With our newfound amiability, we managed to work past the roadblock of financial issues. The elven king suggested that we split the cost evenly— rather generous, considering they lost more men than we did. We concluded with a mutual openness for the idea and a promise to meet and discuss it again another time. The Bard and ranger then assisted in carrying my items back to my carriage, where we said our rather heartfelt goodbyes— they both said they looked forward to my return, and expressed an interest in meeting again outside of diplomatic relations. _

_ All in all, despite its less refined and civilized nature, the Elven kingdom is one of peace-loving, responsible, and kind-hearted people. _

Kenny smiled and blushed a small bit, raising her quill pen and tapping it absentmindedly against her cheek. Soon, she lowered her pen again and resumed writing.

_ I find myself especially enchanted with Stanley the ranger and knight. His chivalry and honor reminds me of my own paladin, Butters, and his genuine desire to make up for his mistakes is truly admirable. _

_ In conclusion, I must say that the negotiations were a success, and I share the sentiment of the elven king's attendants— I, too, look forward to returning to the Elven Kingdom. _

_ Ever your faithful servant, Princess Kenny. _

Kenny breathed a sigh of relief and set the report aside for the ink to dry. Quiet humming escaped her throat: a song of mistakes, of regret, and of forgiveness. Her thoughts drifted back to the diplomatic mission..and fixated on one particular figure. She felt she would not be able to relax until she spoke to him again.

She glanced over at the other rolls of parchment in her cabinet, before her gaze settled on a beautiful piece made of Elven paper—it seemed to shimmer, and had the feel of silk. She took it out and dipped her pen in a jar of light blue ink.

_ Dearest Stanley,_

_ I do hope I am not interrupting your duties. Being an annoyance to you is the last thing I would ever wish to do, but I simply could not go another day without informing you of the hold you now have over my thoughts. I shall list off your good qualities later on this letter, but for now, I must say that you have enchanted me completely, and I greatly desire to develop our friendship further... _


End file.
